Peck Power: Exploring the Science Behind Kissing
Can a kiss ever be just a kiss?
As I prepared to write this article (based on a social media post I was creating for my Instagram account), I thought of the famous song “As Time Goes By (circa 1931) otherwise known as “A Kiss is Just a Kiss”.
“You must remember this
A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by
And when two lovers woo
They still say, "I love you"
On that you can rely”
Herman Humpfield - As Time Goes By (A Kiss is Just a Kiss)
Made famous by the movie Casablanca, the smooth sound played melodically in my head and made me think about the science and psychology of kissing, why we do it, what happens in our bodies when we do and how we can improve our “kisstimacy” (kiss intimacy).
Much research has been done on the science and psychology of kissing and it can be both interesting and offputting in equal measures, but I thought I would add my voice to the song with this brief post to get your lips puckered and your best smootch-game on.
If you’ve ever kissed or been kissed, passionately (and by this, I mean romantically) or kissed your child/parent/sibling/friend hello or goodbye, you will know that it is almost as natural a greeting (for some people) as breathing or saying hello.
Kissing may be seen as the cornerstone of love and romance, but how often do we stop to consider the science behind the simple peck? As a student Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist, I work closely with clients to help them find new ways of building intimacy, and kissing can be a great starting point.
Here is what science and psychology tells us on the subject.
Neurochemical Symphony:
More than just an exchange of passionate pleasantry, kissing sparks a cascade of feel-good chemicals in our brains, including dopamine (pleasure), oxytocin (bonding), and serotonin (happiness). This delightful cocktail can dramatically reduce stress levels, create a powerful sense of attachment, and has the capacity to leave you craving more! Hint: kissing can be a great natural high - kiss more!
Beyond the Butterflies:
Kissing transcends chemical reactions; it's a potent form of non-verbal communication. A passionate kiss can convey intense desire and intimacy, while a gentle peck can express affection or comfort (both in intimate and non-romantic relationships). Interestingly, research suggests that kissing can even be a way to assess potential partners. Apparently, how someone kisses can reveal a lot about their personality and compatibility with a potential partner! Question: what does your kiss say about you?
Around the world in Kisses:
Incidentally, kissing isn't universally practised for romance. Studies show that only about half of the world's cultures engage in romantic kissing. In greetings, the number of kisses exchanged varies greatly across cultures. Greetings in France often involve air kisses on both cheeks (think "mwah, mwah"), while a single kiss on the cheek is common in many European countries. In some Slavic cultures, a triple kiss is the norm! Question: how many kisses are too many kisses?
Kissing the Facts:
The average person spends a staggering 2 weeks of their life locked in kisses! (YIKES, I need to reevaluate how I spend my time!)
The French word for "kiss," "baiser," has its roots in the Latin word "basiare," which translates to "to lick." (I’m thinking so many things right now…)
Studies suggest that kissing might actually boost your immune system by exposing you to new bacteria [4]! (sometimes sharing is NOT caring)
The longest recorded kiss lasted 58 hours, 35 minutes! (I would have probably given up by minute 2)
But kissing isn’t all world records and time well spent (still can’t get over the 2-week point!). There is a kind of “gross” side of kissing too. (sorry, I just had to go and share it…)
Here's the (slightly, errr... less sexy) science:
Swapsies: A passionate kiss can involve transferring millions of bacteria between partners (spit swapping). While most of this bacteria is harmless, it can occasionally lead to minor illnesses like the common cold. (hey, you know it’s worth it sometimes)
Mucus and Food Particles: Sometimes, a kiss catches you by surprise at a time when you don’t have a chance to scrub the garlic cheese bread crumbs from your teeth. (was that too much detail?) Mucus membranes in the mouth can come into contact during a kiss, and lingering food particles aren't ideal either. (I’ll take my order on my plate please!)
Here is the good news.
You can address the "ICK" Factor:
Mind Your Hygiene: Brush your teeth, floss, and use mouthwash before a smooch session. It makes a big difference! Of course not always practical, but it’s a reminder to some of us who can help it. Keep mints or gum on hand just in case.
Use your LIPS: (Do you see what I did there?) Talk to your partner about preferences. Maybe you both want fresh breath or too much tongue is just too much tongue. Either way, talk about kissing, it’s a great way to practice too.
Focus on the Positive: Remember, the emotional connection and feel-good chemicals released during kissing outweigh the minor downsides.
You can Supercharge Your Smooches too:
Slow Down and Savour: Our fast-paced world often leads to rushed kisses. Instead, “carpe diem” (that’s, seize the day to you and me non-Latin speakers)! Explore different areas of the face and neck (heck the whole body), pay attention to your partner's cues, and truly savour the connection that you make as you embrace a kissfest.
Keep it clean: Think, fresher is better. Go back to the tip about keeping mints so you’re both feeling as confident as you can about your oral hygiene.
Go deeper: Make a more lasting connection by creating a moment that goes beyond the kiss. Eye contact, a gentle touch on the arm, or whispering sweet everythings can all elevate the emotional intimacy of a kiss.
So that’s it from me, except to say that Kissing is a beautiful expression of love, affection, and desire. By understanding the science behind it and incorporating some of these tips, you can transform your smooches into truly unforgettable experiences.
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Footnotes & Referenced material:
As Tie Goes By (song) - Wikipedia - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/As_Time_Goes_By_(song)
(Psychology Today) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-new-home/201902/why-we-kiss
As Time Goes By (A Kiss is Just a Kiss) - Louis Armstrong on Casablanca (via Youtube) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do2olZ49M54
World’s longest kiss - https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/etimes/trending/guinness-world-records-reveal-the-reason-behind-deactivating-the-longest-kiss-world-record/articleshow/101616309.cms#:~:text=According%20to%20GWR%2C%20the%20longest,days%20later%2C%20on%20Valentine's%20Day.