What led me here

The story so far…

I suppose I should have known somewhere deep down that I would end up professionally listening to people. I had done it for such a long time in my life that the “call” to retrain in therapy should not have been a surprise.

Nonetheless, it was. being open about sex and sexuality and ever ready to talk frankly is one thing within my circles but working at it full time - I didn’t even know it was a real thing. So when the drawing in this direction came I simply went on the journey, researching my options and where I could begin.

Over forty and ready for a challenge I threw myself into finding out about this new chapter. Several areas caught my eye and I eventually found a reasonably priced online course — Introduction to Counselling — that I could dip my toes into. Everything was familiar, nothing I had not done before. Being empathetic using active listening, non-judgmental, having congruence and a need for authenticity. Had I not encountered all of these as a teacher and lecturer and as a parent to (now in their 20s) children and their friends?

I admitted that I had, but now I could understand the roots and I learned more about the theories and models that were available to someone who wanted to practice. I developed a keen interest in Gestalt Therapy and experienced my own crisis with Existentialism, weighing constantly a battle of understanding with how I could use it - though I knew I had always done it. The approaches became a light to me that I used to guide me through my journey.

Then eventually, I found the course I would follow for the next 3 years. First the foundation certificate in counselling and psychotherapy, then the London Diploma in Psychosexual and Relationship Therapy. The pace was set and I threw myself into the work.

It had been so long since I was last in academia that I wondered about how I would cope. My first assignments showed this as I moved back into a space of reflection and old scars of imposter syndrome came raging back into view.

Then came personal therapy, which was so different to the mentoring I had been part of for so many years prior. New insights, learning how the work could be done, what to do and probably most importantly, what not to do.

By the time I started placement to get into the diploma, I knew I would never go back. The first 50 hours flew past and my love and passion grew. Supervision became my new classroom and my appetite for theories beyond what we were taught became voracious.

Year two (officially year 1 of the diploma) started tenuously for me. For some reason, I was nervous about being in a place where so many people would be so far ahead of me. Would I be enough, know enough, would I fit in? I had more of my own work to do, but I was determined.

When I received my first merit on the course, my feelings were mixed. I was angry that I didn’t make a distinction, and confused at the marking scheme, but simultaneously pleased to have passed. Some modules I absolutely loved, some rubbed me up the wrong way and all the while I waited to get stuck into “the work”. Yet the questions remained. Would I be good enough, know enough, would I get it wrong?

It took me a bit longer than it should have to begin sourcing my clinical placement and there were some interesting plot twists along the way including some very odd behaviour from one centre that was everything BUT therapeutic during my interview and induction process. Thank God I dodged that bullet and cancelled all thoughts of working there.

Eventually, I ended up with three placements! I had obviously lost the plot. I’m not even sure what possessed me to continue with all three, but there was something deep inside - a voice - that kept reminding me that I would be OK. I wanted to learn, and I knew that the more I did, the more I’d gain. So I pressed in. I needed 150 hours and it was not about quantity, it was about the experience of it all.

My first placement was in the NHS and though I had originally thought I would never want to work in a hospital I knew that the benefit to my career would be beyond anything other than that. I was right! The structure systems and occasional chaos were exactly what I needed to test my resolve. I loved the pace and the challenge and more than that, I adored the work. Even the frustrations were eye-openers when I recognised my countertransference, learned formulation and worked with clients in a time-limited setting. It helped me think on my feet and in the first 3 months, I threw every tool and technique we learned in class in each session. Had it not been for this placement, my progress may have been stumped.

My second placement was at a centre local to me and this is what I wanted more than anything for so many reasons. Being closer to home, testing the waters in the community and seeing the people longer-term brought new challenges and opportunities. I also got to manage client bookings and finances (taking the payments for the centre, etc.) gave me insight into what it would eventually be like in my own private practice. These are things the course had not taught and that I would not have learned had I not had this opportunity. I will forever be grateful to The Henry Centre for taking a chance on me. Everyone I met there was awesome and I’m still passionate about the work I do there now. This article is not enough to tell all that it’s given to me.

Finally, my online placement… let me tell you, seeing yourself during a therapy session is one of the best windows of learning I have had. I got to recognise my own facial expressions and body language and learned how to keep my ‘words’ short so as not to interfere with the client's work. I once had a client at The Henry tell me that one of her previous therapists had “too many facial expressions”. At that moment, I was so grateful that I had been occasionally looking at my own expressions during my online sessions. I wondered whether I had enough of a poker face in my sessions, or if my expressions were “too many”. But I was pleased that I had the experience of seeing myself to gauge that I think I was ok.

I haven’t spoken about clinical supervision and the volumes of knowledge and information I gained from my amazing supervisors. I wish I could name you all.. Thank you, thank you, thank you… Our journey is not over and I have been blessed to have your immense experience, and willingness to teach me and expose me to new material (my own and the clients) in every session. God BLESS YOU all.

So there it is.. a very short retrospective of my journey so far. I’m 6 months away from the end of my course and 9 months away from full and final qualification (for this course). I’m looking forward to my next training which is already earmarked and to the time when I can open my doors to clients all my own. I’ve got new things on the horizon too and exciting borders to cross.

Watch this space, and as always, let’s talk about it.